Are you avoiding "the talk"?
What is the hardest conversation to have as a parent?
If you said, “the talk”, you would not be alone. Most parents dread having the sex talk with their kids. But, in a time where shows like sex ed are streamed on Netflix and porn is within hands reach from any device, it is more important than ever to educate our kids on sex. When I first see clients, one of my first questions is where did you learn about sex? The most common answer is, from other kids at school or their dad’s dirty magazines. Think about that for a second. Rarely did we ever receive a complete encompassing and objective curriculum about sex. Slowly, that is changing but we are still no where near where we should be culturally. But, now as adults, we are in the same predicament our parents were in, it’s our turn to have the talk. Let’s do this generation better.
So, let’s talk about the 5 reasons parents avoid having “the talk”.
I’ll just wait until they’re older. As parents, we need to understand that sexuality is not something that just suddenly occurs with puberty. A person’s sexuality is present their entire lifespan. Whether you are teaching your little one proper anatomical body parts (please stop naming genitals after inanimate objects) or having a conversation about consent, this is an ongoing lifetime conversation to have. Talking with your children early and often can take place through teachable moments that begin a long time before sex even happens.
If I talk about it, they’ll be more likely to do it. Talking with young people about a topic they have more than likely already heard about through friends (remember where you heard about it) or on television, is equipping them with knowledge to make informed decisions. Research shows that when young people receive education about their sexual health, they’re more than likely to have sex later, make smarter decisions about contraception when they do or be less likely to engage in impulsive decisions about sex. Don’t think because you talk to them about it, that this is the first time they’ve heard about sex. Teaching them about sex does not make them anything other than informed. Be supportive and informative.
They will learn at school. Some schools do offer sex education type programming in health classes, but the facts are, only 27 states mandate sex education in public schools. Of those states, only 17 require medically accurate content. Don’t assume school is teaching them what they need to make informed decisions that could impact them the rest of their lives, its just statistically unlikely.
I don’t know what to say. Children aren’t needing you to be Wikipedia. They just need someone who is willing to be supportive and give them information to make decisions. We don’t have to know all the things. There are so many resources available online and in books to help have informed sexual health conversations. If there is a sex therapist or sexual educator in your area, this is a great place to start!
It’s too awkward. Most of us didn’t grow up having a comprehensive sex ed or parents who were chomping at the bit to inform us on all things sex. It’s hard to teach our children what we never actually learned ourselves. Besides the fact that we may have grown up with repressive religious experiences and upbringing or childhood trauma. Realizing as a person, you are always on a sexual health journal all your life. You are learning just like the young person you are raising. Give yourself some compassion and show up for them in a way you may not have experienced at their age. Use this experience to learn as much as you can and share that information with them. There is an abundance of books and workshops that offer space to learn about sexuality throughout the lifespan.
Having children allows you to be this amazing influencer. This is your opportunity to do something different and start your children off with more knowledge, because having knowledge is absolutely having power. Help them be informed and ready for the world.
