Making Valentine's Day Last

Every year there is a day on the calendar that reminds us we need to make our partner feel loved and seen, just like in the beginning. So, this year, decide to keep the spirit of Valentine’s day going all year long and be an intentional partner.

I have a lot of couples who come to see me who are struggling with their relationships. Maybe they are healing from infidelity. Maybe they are feeling more like roommates than partners. Maybe they have not had sex in months and feeling really disconnected. No matter the reason, there is usually a common thread in all of them. The intentionality is missing.

Being intentional isn’t something we learn or talk about when we are dating someone, it just happens. The honeymoon phase is effortless, and your partner feels like a priority. We are never as intentional in a relationship as we are at the beginning, and Valentine’s day. That’s the reason I love Valentine’s day so much, it sets the intention for you. Every year there is a day on the calendar that remind us we need to make our partner feel loved and seen, just like in the beginning. So, this year, decide to keep the spirit of Valentine’s day going all year long and be an intentional partner.

Here are 5 ways to be deliberate in your relationship this year:

1. Set aside time each day to check in with your partner in an open and meaningful way. Don’t just get stuck in the busyness of life, check in. Ask your partner how their day was and be present in their answer. Be open to sharing what’s happening in your life and in your day.

2. Prioritize your partner. When the honeymoon phase ends, we get stuck in the rut of assuming our partner knows how much we love them, we committed to them, right? Wrong. Being intentional is about showing up in your relationship and showing your partner they are a priority in your life.

3. Show love to your partner. Talk to your partner about how they receive love. We all feel loved in different ways, it’s important that you know what makes your partner feel loved and do that.

4. See things from your partners perspective. Your partner experiences things differently. So, it isn’t absurd to realize that they see and feel things very differently. When there is conflict in the relationship, take the time to see things from their point of view. Maybe you do not agree, but to walk a mile in your partner shoes can really diffuse a conflict.

5. Check in with your partners needs. Don’t assume how your partner is feeling or what they need. Ask. Check in with how you are doing or how you could be meeting their needs.